<![CDATA[Connect the Dots Coaching - Blog]]>Fri, 03 Apr 2026 07:34:21 -0400Weebly<![CDATA[Speaker + Author Gabrielle Bernstein's True Power]]>Tue, 26 Apr 2016 02:19:34 GMThttp://www.connectdotscoaching.com/blog/speaker-author-gabrielle-bernsteins-true-powerPictureGabrielle Bernstein (Photo: Dan Hallman).
I recently attended a Yoga Journal-sponsored talk on “True Power” with Gabrielle Bernstein. She tested out material from her upcoming book The Universe Has Your Back, which addresses how to transform fear into faith in order to live a divinely guided life.

At the 700-person event, we meditated, we consciously breathed, we chanted, we sat with our (for some, uncomfortable) feelings, we shared and we learned steps to awaken our true power.

The following week I met with The New York Times best-selling self-help author and motivational speaker over a lunch of vegan cuisine at Angelic Kitchen in the East Village, for a Q&A for the Observer. We covered a lot of ground, talking about success, ISIS and her tips to happiness (see the story here). But there were a lot of interesting bits that didn’t make it into the article, like Gabby's thoughts on money, trying to get pregnant and having faith amid tragedy. I share all of that below.
On becoming a motivational speaker…
At around four years into [the PR] business, in around 2005, when I was getting sober and starting personal changes, I was called to speak about it. I had been speaking publicly prior to that at universities so I was already comfortable speaking because I have a—just do it—mentality, like if there is something you want to say, go say it. Find a way to say it, especially today. It's like blog about it, go to a yoga studio and put on a talk. At the time, the only people using Facebook were college students and so I would put on talks at the LGBT Center, I would put on talks at the Soho House, I'd put on talks wherever I could and just invite people for like $20 to come hear me share about what I was doing. I invited people from my nail salon or from my fitness center, my girlfriends, and I was like, just come, and it became this zeitgeist of young New York women looking to find spirituality instead of a nightclub. And it was just me telling my story. So, if you have a story, that is your content. That is your credibility. People would say, “How do I know that I can do it?” I said, “Well, if you have a personal transformational story, that is your life cred,” and that life cred in my opinion is just as valuable, if not more in some ways, than a [college] degree.
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On being fearless about money…
I changed my money story when I was in my 20s. I'm not going to fear money—that’s a story I made for myself. And obviously everything I preach is what you believe you create so I just believed that. I didn't let myself be in a fear story about money and I learned how to earn at a young age so as a result of having that freedom psychologically, I've never really been in fear. And that’s not to say the old stories don't come up because they do regardless of what's up for you because that's just stuff that you need to heal. But I've been in the conversation with myself since I was 21 of—I know how to earn and I'm going to do it and I'm not going to fear it.
 
On steering clear of stinking thinking…
I'm in a constant conversation. I wake up in the morning and I do my meditation practice and I say prayers and then I go and I get taken out because of something and then I come back and I sit down and I take a few breaths. I practice using prayer and affirmation throughout the day to just anchor me back so that's why I put a lot of that in the book because I think that like everything takes us out. One that I use a lot is: “I choose to see this differently.” So I'll take an issue like, maybe somebody didn't do something I asked them to do and I'm flipping out about it. And I'll just say, “I choose to see this situation differently.” And I'll use this throughout the day just to stay in the conversation of—it’s my choice how I want to perceive it. Sometimes it's easier than others.
 
On trying to conceive…
I'm just sort of in the, when it will happen, it will happen as it's supposed to happen [state]. I'm speaking pretty publicly about helping women surrender because I think that is probably one of the biggest places where you need to learn how to surrender and learn to give up your plan.

On women who can't seem to get pregnant...
I think that if you feel the call that you're meant to be a parent, then it's meant to be and whether you have that child on your own or you adopt a child—that is the contract that you will sign. That is what is supposed to happen. I don't think if it's not happening that that is a sign that it shouldn't happen. It may be a sign that it is supposed to happen in a way that is not your plan, like adoption.
 
On maintaining faith amid tragedy… 
I think it's in those times of grief that you need connection most...[and] having a sense of practice of daily centeredness. Meditation, prayer, daily contemplation is most useful when you're grieving. The wound is the place where the light enters you. Sometimes it's in the most horrible circumstances that we feel our greatest spiritual connection. [For example], there is no good thing to [say] about losing a child. There's no re-frame with that. But it's just like everything, what am I going to bring to this? How am I going to show up for this? Trauma, addiction, grief, the real question is not, “how do I get over this?” It's, “what do I do with this? How do I integrate this experience in my life in a way where it will expand my faith in whatever form that comes and be of service to the world?”
 
Amen!
]]><![CDATA[MDLNY's Fredrik Eklund on Meditation]]>Sat, 09 Apr 2016 03:02:55 GMThttp://www.connectdotscoaching.com/blog/mdlnys-fredrik-eklund-on-meditationPictureFredrik Eklund.
I recently interviewed Fredrik Eklund, power broker and co-star of Bravo's Million Dollar Listing New York, for the Observer in advance of the release of the paperback version of Fredrik's book and the fifth season of the reality show (see the Observer story here). We covered his first real estate deal, stopping his nail-biting habit and which MDLNY co-star he likes better. We also talked about his meditation practice, but there wasn't enough room in the paper to include all of the questions. So, I'm sharing that part of the interview here (with Fredrik's permission). Enjoy!

You quit drinking Diet Coke. How did you do that?
I actually did have one. We were in Turks and Caicos two weekends ago. It was Saturday and I was by the swimming pool at the Aman Resort, if you've ever been there, it's heaven. I actually had a glass and the ice was crackling and the sun was shining.
That sounds like it was a special occasion. How much were you drinking at your high point?
I was like one can a day. It wasn't really anything crazy. [The ceasing of drinking] Diet Coke started when I started meditating, which I'm still trying to be better at. If you're in a meditative, healthy mindset, I would say, you're not drawn to soda.

You're a Vedic meditator, as am I.
I'm a beginner, I guess you could say, and I am realizing how much I have in front of me. At the same time, I feel like it's incredible what it can do to us if we just keep on doing it.

When did you learn to meditate?
In October 2014. [Théo Burkhard] came here to New York and we did one hour every night together, in our apartment, me, [husband] Derek [Kaplan] and Théo, for like four or five nights in a row. So then, Christmas that year, we were in Hawaii for holiday and there I had a breakthrough. Because there, by myself, you know you're in Hawaii and it's green paradise, I did meditate a lot. Like, a lot.

And what was the breakthrough?
Well that's very personal. It's just to me, it was that moment when I realized that this was just the tip of the iceberg and I just have a lot of very interesting work in front of me when it comes to myself.

And what about Derek, is he meditating?
Yeah. He does it too. We don't do it together and we don't do it in a specific program like in the morning. Sometimes when we're on holiday, we do it together. It's very nice. Well I come home and I say, "How's your day? Did you meditate?" And he's like "Yes... no." And we kind of like check in with one another.

Are you doing it twice daily as prescribed?
I don't. I don't. So it's a constant sort of struggle, feeling guilty, but you know, when I do do it and I do it several consecutive days in a row, there's a very big difference. [I] live in this sort of informational storm, hurricane I should say, in what I do for work--the thousands of emails and you know we have over 150 listings at every given time, which brings me to 150 sellers or developers at any given time. And then we have projects in the future that are not on our website yet. I often see my job as like keeping all these Excel files open in a program, does that make sense? They're constantly running the totals and the equations. Therefore, [it's great] to step away from, or beneath or above it, however you want to explain it in meditation, and just shut that off, dis-identify yourself from that, because you're not that. It's what you do, it's not you. That's very important for me. I see a very big change. People who know me before and after say that I am much calmer. And I'm actually more present, maybe? I can sit here and hopefully have a conversation with you. 

You seem different to me.
Oh good. You should write that.
]]><![CDATA[Be Confident. Say Yes]]>Thu, 14 May 2015 01:38:00 GMThttp://www.connectdotscoaching.com/blog/be-confident-say-yesPicture
I was at a Cyrus Innovation event last night when I heard Mary Kopczynski, the founder and CEO of 8of9, talk about having had fear of speaking as an expert on various news programs. These were topics for which she was well-versed, but felt ill-equipped. It wasn't until she attended an event where they was a dearth of women on the panel that she felt ready to speak at the next opportunity that came her way. "We do need to speak up," Ms. Kopczynski asserted.

Sara Potler LaHayne, the founder & CEO of Move This World, spoke of forbidding the use of "I think x, y and z," and "I feel x, y and z," in cases where her female employees are actually stating facts. She also advises against including inflections in sentences. All three of these habits don't convey confidence.
And Kegan Schouwenburg, the CEO & co-founder of SOLS, lives boldly, pushing herself by saying "yes to everything." This reminds me of Eleanor Roosevelt's advice: "Do one thing every day that scares you." 
 
The three women were part of a panel of 10 successful female founders talking about the "Ten Things Every Female Founder Should Know."

What was evident was that it is not so easy to step into our power and go confidently in the direction of the things we desire. When we find we cannot muster the belief to propel us, it may require "acting as if." Our willingness to "act as if" allows for physical, psychological and environmental shifts to occur. 

What is one opportunity that terrifies you, but for which you are willing to "act as if" today?
]]><![CDATA[Change Emanates From Crisis]]>Mon, 13 Apr 2015 03:44:12 GMThttp://www.connectdotscoaching.com/blog/change-emanates-from-crisisPicture

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The power of habit—defined as a repeated behavior that tends to occur unconsciously—has long been a topic of interest to me, and even more so now that I am reading "The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business," by Charles Duhigg. The book offers a fascinating look at habit formation and change in settings from boardrooms to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous to the sidelines of the NFL.

In a chapter about "the power of a crisis," Mr. Duhigg talks about how among companies and institutions change is generally possible "only once a sense of crisis takes hold." 
And, company leaders know this, too. In fact, they capitalize on this state.

Mr. Duhigg noted that "good leaders seize crises to remake organizational habits."

On a personal level, being in a tough spot provides an opportunity for change and growth—and the possibility of creating new "positive" habits. While it feels hard to establish new habits, it's not impossible. In the end, it goes back to the process of repetition, just the way the original habits were formed.
]]><![CDATA[VIDEO: Let Go or Be Dragged]]>Tue, 23 Dec 2014 03:39:35 GMThttp://www.connectdotscoaching.com/blog/video-let-go-or-be-draggedAt some point we have to let go of the baggage we are dragging around or else it will start dragging us. Recently, Connect the Dots Coaching held a vision board workshop at which we ceremoniously let go of resentments, disappointments, etc., that we were hanging on to. The vehicle? A helium balloon. Watch the moment of balloon release in the video below.
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